well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
