i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
