We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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