The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
