I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
