dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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