In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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