Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you never un-have a 4some
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
