i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
