I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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