I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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