I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize