508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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