Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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