in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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