Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
