I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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