Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE