you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.