Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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