So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?