thanks...oh and i got my period
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked