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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize