Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
