It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im holly from the hills drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
