Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
