Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
