You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
