I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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