Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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