I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
