matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
