i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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