i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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