I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
