I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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