I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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