I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
