I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
