My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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