a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
