I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to make out with him forever
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
