white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
