Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
