Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
