Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
