FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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