I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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