Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
