I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
