this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
