If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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