im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So. Much. Porn.
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