Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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