I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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