She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize