If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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