and you said cock pushups were impossible
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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