I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
