on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
