If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
