i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
