dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
