Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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