The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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