my soul wont recognize me after tonight
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize