I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
