guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
