I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
