so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
