The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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