All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
