Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
