you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
