Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize